Merge

I have something important to share with you.

This fall I wrote 7 blog posts about how we gather which continued off the blog with a lot of folks who host conferences for church leaders or for students. These have been personally encouraging conversations for me as people begin to explore a framework in which transformation happens for people in communities.

This summer (June 27-July 2)Mark Novelli and Kelly Dolan (Imago Media) and Michael Novelli (Echo the Story) are hosting an experience called MERGE. It maybe the most unique, teen empowering, discipleship experience I've heard of for high school kids.

They are combining both the story of God (specifically a 16 story arc from scripture) and a way of gathering that cultivates transformation of communities.

It isn't a camp where you hand off your kids to strangers, the framework allows for you to bear the responsibility of leadership of your group, but also allows for the teams to own their own faith and the responsibility for it.

The MERGE team plays host and facilitator.

The experience will work because the folks like you will be there and the MERGE are great guides.

Michael, Mark and Kelly are on my short list for people I think are/will truly change the church. They are pioneers of ministry and thinking.

So go check out the MERGE site. Take your kids to MERGE. Then email me and thank me for sending you their direction.

Large Church Youth Ministry Learning Lab

This week I tried something new. A Learning Lab here in Tulsa. I named it "Leadership for the Rest of Us" because I believe in people and how God has gifted them. With so many of the conferences have the same 6 or so presenters and speakers telling the rest of us what leadership is and isn't I felt I'd try a learning lab. Intentionally small, spread by word of mouth, brought together without having to adopt an experts opinion. My hope was to create an alternative experience, something like an un-conference. 12 people converged on Tulsa Monday-Wednesday for a unique experience. Together we wrestled with ways to think of leadership differently. Most were youth pastors and wrestled with ideas related to doing youth ministry differently. What we call, church B. This was also the first module for folks interested in becoming consultants.

It was a beautiful experience.

We will do it again soon. I thinking of doing two different gatherings.

I'm investigating dates right now. But was thinking one of the Learning Labs (module 1) would be for youth pastors in churches larger than 3,000 people.

The second would of course be open just like the others. Then we'd begin to explore Module two together.
If you are interested in either of these? Let me know.
mark@theriddlegroup.com

Blog Tour Begins today

Today I'm on the YS BLOG with Adam McLane

Go here for the video interview.

I've met this guy...

Ignatius from travis hawkins on Vimeo.

(Thanks to Brandon)

Calvin and Hobbes wow.

wow. what do you think of this?

(Thanks to Brant)

Genetically test children for sports aptitudes

Unbelievable.

When Donna Campiglia learned recently that a genetic test might be able to determine which sports suit the talents of her 2 ½-year-old son, Noah, she instantly said, Where can I get it and how much does it cost?

"I could see how some people might think the test would pigeonhole your child into doing fewer sports or being exposed to fewer things, but I still think it's good to match them with the right activity," Campiglia, 36, said as she watched a toddler class at Boulder Indoor Soccer in which Noah struggled to take direction from the coach between juice and potty breaks.

"I think it would prevent a lot of parental frustration," she said.

In health-conscious, sports-oriented Boulder, Atlas Sports Genetics is playing into the obsessions of parents by offering a $149 test that aims to predict a child's natural athletic strengths. The process is simple. Swab inside the child's cheek and along the gums to collect DNA and return it to a lab for analysis of ACTN3, one gene among more than 20,000 in the human genome.

Link here

(Thanks to Bevan)

Prediction

There are a lot of churches (I'll call them church 3.0) who developed a significant portion of their understanding for ministry based on youth ministry 18-15 years ago. These leaders may not have personally been involved in youth ministry, but they are smart folks, who planted church (mostly in the last 10 years). They are the people on the stages of most church conferences we see today. They are great leaders. My impression is that they are incredibly intuitive and adaptive. (a characteristic youth ministry of the 80-90's taught us) and are top down leaders. Like youth ministry of ol' was (see youth ministry 2.0).

Did you ever walk into one of these Church 3.0 churches and think, wow, this is like a big youth ministry, only done better with more money invested.

But my prediction is, that these churches built on old youth ministry models wills struggle with modern youth ministry almost exclusively because of the leadership style of the church.

Churches who have a high "command and control" systems will struggle the next 10 years because their command and control system will only have limited results. It will be interesting to see if they notice, because it may be that numbers are the last thing to go for them.

Of course these churches will say, that they are young and need to grow into youth ministry. This is why I imagine there's not a lot of talk about youth ministry at conferences like catalyst etc. (tell me if I'm wrong).

These churches over the next 3 years will have a come to jesus experience because they are smart folks. They plan ahead. Their children's ministries are the talk of the country. They sell their children's stuff. They have children's conferences. or new children's buildings "theme" by professionals.

But this will not work for youth ministry. You can't do youth ministry for the future in this way.

What do you think?
I'm totally shooting from the hip.
I'm open to being wrong.

Inside the Mind on Ecampus

I'll be using "Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors" next semester for the seminary class I'm teaching on Leadership. I'm excited that it's on ecampus. If you're a youth ministry prof for a seminary or college, hit up YS for a free copy once they are available so you can see if you want to use it for youth ministry curriculum too. My apologies for the blatant self promotion. :-)

Toying with an idea

I'm toying with an idea. My good friend David Welch recently suggested this idea and I've been tossing it around and thought I'd get your input.

Folks email me questions pretty often these days wanting some outside perspective to various issues and I respond to every email I get. I give my take and I try to get the takes of others I know. When appropriate I might even spend some time talking with them you) on the phone.

Still others invite me into the church and I partner with them in their own context.

David suggested that I answer some questions that people ask me via video and post them in a video blog post.

What do you think?

I'm really asking here friends. What do you think?

A program-less youth ministry

Adam over at Pomomusings has invited dialogue on program-less youth ministry.

here's my response to his question.
---------------------

lots of thoughts on this man.

1. I love the heart of this.
2. I'm guessing you know more about this than I do.
3. I might ask the question a bit differently. The way the question is inherently retributive in nature, it's the like the kid who is growing up asking who will I become, as long as it's not like dad. The question contains barriers the possibilities are you hoping for. The goal isn't program-less ym so much as it is, what are the possiblities for great ministry to/with/for/from youth and their families. Or perhaps better than that is a series of questions for each community to answer like:

What might community look like in our context?
What is the role of a pastor in a community?
What is the role of a community member, and how well am I (as a member) contributing to youth and children?
How important are youth to me as a community member and what kind of commitment am I willing to make to kids here?
What rhythms and activities in my life (as a community member) encourage and interfere with our hopes for community and spiritual formation for youth?
Are youth important to us as a community, and in what way have we lived this out?

It seems to me that how a church answers these questions will lead them to answer yours. To declare youth ministry be program-less is actually another subtly colonial leadership style to impose on people in a church. The vision of program-less youth ministry then becomes one more way in which a leader declares what they think is best and attempts to align people with their program. buy in or ownership in this circumstance will likely not happen on a meaningful scale, because it is essential the same thing as program driven youth ministry, just a different means. A leader trying to leverage influence to minister to youth.

the question then is, instead of how do I as a leader, or resident expert try to create a program-less youth ministry that I believe in, it becomes, what environment do I need to create to enable the congregation to care for youth in a way that is meaningful, healthy, and faithful to them.

Just a thought or two.

-----------------------
I think this is true for any area of ministry actually.

What do you think?

From the Eyes of a Youth Pastor

Watching Rick Warren last week lead the forum with the two presidential candidates I had an ugh moment.
Warren and Obama were talking about "What is rich?"
and Obama stated that $150,000 a year or less would be considered middle class.
To which Warren said, "In this region you're poor." Followed by loud applause.

He may be right with housing prices etc. But it made me think, (and this is part of my psychosis i think). I wonder what his youth pastors make? (and the rest of his staff)

I wonder if by saying such a thing on his church's stage he hurt someone on his staff. Because if he's paying them less than $150,000 a year, he is knowingly paying them less that it takes to live in their context.

(I don't know what Saddleback pays their youth staff.) But it's one of those moments that might leave a staff person feeling a bit distant from their churches leader.

Can you relate?

Kids Be Gone?

Here's an article one might see as symptomatic of our culture and the teens feeling abandoned by adults.

A wall-mounted gadget designed to drive away loiterers with a shrill, piercing noise audible only to teens and young adults is infuriating civil liberties groups and tormenting young people after being introduced into the United States.

The Mosquito, which targets loiterers, projects a shrill noise audible only to teens and young adults.

Almost 1,000 units of the device, called the Mosquito, have been sold in the United States and Canada after the product debuted last year, according to Daniel Santell, the North America importer of the device sold under the company name Kids Be Gone.

Link

Biblical Seminary Youth Ministry Certificate

I'm really excited about the opportunity to lead these courses. I've been impressed with Biblical Seminary for several years. John Franke is a brilliant and influential thinker on the faculty and Alan Roxburgh Has consulted them on what it looks like to become a missional seminary willing to engage a postmodern world. Word is that Tim Keel pastor here, has done a lot of work with them as well. I'm grateful to Todd Littleton for inviting me to join Biblical and Shapevine to facilitate these 5 courses. Here's the description from Biblical.

A master’s level certificate program offered by Biblical Seminary in partnership with Shapevine for the development of missional leaders around the world.

Developed by Mark Riddle
http://www.theriddlegroup.com

This fully online program lets you earn a certificate in youth ministry without leaving your current ministry context. The five-course certificate can be completed in less than two years.

Youth Certification Link

Exciting Day and I'm tired

I woke up this morning and caught a plane to Dallas to meet with Mark Matlock and David Welch of Wisdom Works. It was a productive meeting about the future or both our organizations. Lot's of potential and I'm excited about what it holds for us. We're developing two consultant training modules that will be really exciting for veteran youth workers looking to make a difference in their part of the world. It's something I've been hoping to do for quite a while and has a lot of potential for supporting youth pastors and local churches around the country. Mark and David are super sharp guys and I'm humbled to get to work with them. more later.. (But if you are interested ... let me know)

anyway I'm tired. My 8:00pm flight is delayed until 10:45pm. ugh! I'm tired and not feeling 100% and I'm ready to be back in Tulsa.

1 in 4 Teen Girls has an STD

"CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- At least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease, or more than 3 million teens, according to the first study of its kind in this age group.

A virus that causes cervical cancer is by far the most common sexually transmitted infection in teen girls aged 14 to 19, while the highest overall prevalence is among black girls -- nearly half the blacks studied had at least one STD. That rate compared with 20 percent among both whites and Mexican-American teens, the study from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found.

About half of the girls acknowledged having sex; among them, the rate was 40 percent. While some teens define sex as only intercourse, other types of intimate behavior including oral sex can spread some infections.

For many, the numbers most likely seem "overwhelming because you're talking about nearly half of the sexually experienced teens at any one time having evidence of an STD," said Dr. Margaret Blythe, an adolescent medicine specialist at Indiana University School of Medicine and head of the American Academy of Pediatrics' committee on adolescence."

Link

The Insane Youth Ministry Solution

Church leaders who want a "great" youth ministry, but who struggle with the current reality are often tempted to return to the well of another youth pastor hire. If you feel as if you need a youth pastor to fix the problem with your youth ministry, whether it be relational, programmatic, theological, or vision and it looks like the obvious solution is hiring someone to lead... don't. 99% of the time, this is the wrong solution.
You've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.

That would make this the insane youth ministry solution.

Still the temptations is strong, because most church leaders see no other alternative.

Youth Pastor question

A few years ago I was leading a late night forum with Mike King, and Jim Hancock. I believe we were in Atlanta and there was about 100 youth workers in the room We were talking about the future of youth ministry.

During the conversation one youth pastor broke down and began to weep about his struggles and stress as a youth pastor. Another shared a personal story about past drug use and his desire to use less profanity. It was a rich conversation.

Mike mentioned that the Youth Pastor of the church he attends in KC doesn't lead programs.

Hands shot up everywhere in the room. There was suddenly a burning question in the room and people needed to know the answer to it. One young guy stood up and asked the question on the minds of many, "If your youth pastor doesn't lead programs... what does he do?"

There it was... floating out there...

But before Mike could respond, I made an observation.
with 100 youth workers in the room hoping for a new future in youth ministry, most seemed unable to understand a world in which they didn't lead programs.

This is a big problem for us all. chances are you weren't called to be a program director. chances are, when you said "yes" to God's calling to vocational ministry, your heart wasn't leaping for the opportunity to shop for industrial sized can's of chocolate pudding, writing bulletin announcements and sustaining a great program week in and week out. While feeling the pressure to outdo the week before.

Were you called to that?

This isn't an attack on programs, there have been enough of those in recent memory. (Maybe there's a way to keep your programs, and you not have to plan them.) Also, I'm not talking about working yourself out of a job... that's simply nonsense.

If you didn't have to lead programs or administrate a youth program, would you still have something to do? Anything of substance?

Forget about whether or not your church would by it, can you think outside of your current reality.

Hiring for the Future

Hiring a youth pastor to lead a program as it has always been done is not the way to the future. Chances are the for your church's youth ministry to work, it will make you uncomfortable. I might even venture to say, that if you are a church leader and your youth ministry feels nice and comfortable to you, then it's not reaching it's potential.

What do you think about this?

It's an interesting way to find a youth pastor.
Advertise on YouTube.




So what do you think about this?

Stories from Senior Pastors

I really enjoy great stories told by Senior Pastors.

Here's a story from Don Johnson.

Tuesday and a trip to OKC

After arriving around 7pm from Atlanta on Friday night, I left for OKC early Tuesday morning.

I scheduled two phone calls during my 90 minute drive and return a few others.
Once in OKC I stopped into Panera and checked my mail, then responded to a few emails.
At 11:30 I met my long time friend John Gilstrap from Church of the Servant in north Oklahoma City. He's the Student Pastor there, and is currently beginning a search for a Junior High Pastor. Church of the Servant is rediscovering itself and it's refreshing to sit across the table from a youth pastor committed to a particular people, regardless of how fast, or slow change happens.

At 1:15 I met with Mark McAdow, Senior Pastor of First United Methodist Church of Oklahoma City. FUMC is looking for a youth pastor also, or they will be in the future. Mark is a true pastor. He's committed to loving people. It's always good for me to be around him. In a precious life I was on staff with Mark at Asbury in Tulsa. I think the Riddle Group could really support the dreams and heart of Mark and First Church... we'll see.

From 2:30pm to 5:15 I added some tasks to my list so I could get them out of my head, sent some email and blogged a bit, but mostly I prepped for my meeting with the Student Leadership Team of Westmoore Community Church in south OKC. By the way WCC's sermon series always make me chuckle (in a good way). Their LCD sign out front says, "Victorious Secret" nice.

6:00pm - I met with the Student Leadership team (a totally volunteer team) who have been leading and expanding the youth ministry for about a year and a half.

We broke early and I headed for home at 9:30.
On the drive home I spent 60 minutes on the phone with David Welch from YS.

Home.
No more travel for about a week!

6:00pm

NYWC - Atlanta

Had a great time in Atlanta this weekend. It was busy.
Thursday night I arrived really really late at the Westin on Peachtree.
Friday I woke up and wrote and went to lunch with David Welch of YS.
I met some new folks and then went go give my seminar (with marko) on expectations. It went great.
Grabbed some dinner and changed my shoes, because my feet were killing me.

Then it was off to the omni to hang out with Chris Folmsbee, Mike King, Ginny Olson, and Jim Hancock. This was our third get together (one in each city). I other cities Kara Powell, Steve, Argue, and Damien O'Farrell all came together to talk about what the future of youth ministry in North America. Pretty great conversation in each city. more to come on this.

Then off to Marko's where I got to talk briefly with Scott Rubin. then to bed.

Saturday
Woke up around 8:00am.
Started consulting at 9:30am and continued until 12:30. Met some great folks.
12:30 I had lunch with Rick Heltne of People Management.
2:00pm I stopped by Chris Folmsbee's Sacred Stories seminar and listened to him for a bit.
Hung out a bit with Brock Morgan who is doing some great stuff in Salem Oregon.
3:00pm - Did more consulting.
Dinner- Went to Fire of Brazil with Folsmbee, Len Evans, Doug Jones and a few other friends. Man dinner was good.

Then we popped up to Scott Kail's suite (and were joined by Rick Heltne again) in the Westin and watch the first half of OU getting crushed by Texas Tech. This is the part of the evening when everyone enjoyed giving me a hard time about being from Oklahoma and my football team.

Then we all walked over the Marko's again and met some great people.

Sunday
8:00 - I woke up and walked a the long road to convention HQ.
9:30 started consulting
12:30 Met Andy Jack for lunch. This was my first time to meet Andy, who I've heard a lot about and was excited to meet. I look forward to future conversations with him.
2:00 - I was consulting again.
4:00 - I had a break. I found a corner to sit in and not talk for a while.
5:00pm I went to dinner with Charley, Bryan, Mark Matlock and several other great folks from IBC and other Irving Texas churches. They were great and are dreaming big, God sized dreams. They bought Folmsbee and I dinner (we both had the Cashew crusted Tilapia with the Jamaican butter sauce!!! wow!)

then Mark Matlock and I went to the 4th Floor of the the Omni that overlooks the park and talked for about 3 hours.

Monday
7: 30 - Woke up
9:30 - Consulting
11:00 - Met up with Matlock, caught a cab and went to the airport.
While we ate, I saw my buddy John Gilstrap having lunch at the On the Border.
Then met up with Charley from IBC, and the Skit guys for a bit.
Then Matlock and I (who were sitting next to each other in the exit row) had an exciting conversation about the future of the world, creative innovation, and halloween.

Got home around 7:00 and grabbed some pizza with the kids.
Put the kids to bed and then I crashed.

It was an amazing weekend. I met some great people that I can't mention, or failed to mention here. It's amazing how each conversation teaches me something. I"m greatful for being a part of what God is doing through his church at NYWC.


See ya next year!

Atlanta

I'm heading off to Atlanta this afternoon. My weekend is packed.

I'll be leading a a seminar on Friday at 4pm with Marko. Come by and say hi! Or join us!
then I'll be doing consulting/ coaching each of the days in 50 minutes time slots.

thanks to everyone who's already emailed me about connecting.
I'm looking forward to see you all there.

I'm still figuring all this out.

I'm consultant. A church consultant to be exact. A job that is occasionally the butt of joking among friends. In the church, I find most folks I work meet on the street aren't sure that that means. There aren't a lot of church consultants. And some of the folks who call themselves consultants give the rest of us a bad name. I suppose the same is true for lawyers and pastors. There's a lot of people with a lot of experience who people pay for advice.

Advice is helpful if you've had the same experience, the same context and the same exact situations as the person giving it.

Baz Lurman says advice is " "

Consultants who give advice aren't really consultants... at least from what I gather. Maybe we should call them advice givers. or maybe experts. or something more fancy. I suppose the term consultant is the junk drawer for people who want to tell other people how great their thoughts are.

It is my hope I'm not that, an advice giver or an expert. An expert, or advice giver is someone who lives each day in the shadow of past successes (or failures twisted to sound like successes) and then passes these experiences on to a client to live vicariously through them.

I must confess this is a real temptation. It would be easier to listen and then give advice. It would be easier to take my square experience and apply it to your round situation.

More confession. I do this sometimes.

But I'm learning. I'm learning that consulting isn't about giving people answers. Consulting is more about learning than it is about disseminating information. I'm learning that if I want to be a great consultant, then I need to humbly put my advice and experiences on the shelf and learn from who is speaking to me. While I'm confessing, our team does this really well sometimes and it's beautiful to see.

If you are looking for a consultant (or if you aren't) let me give you this advice.
Look for a consultant who is hoping to learn from you.
It will be in the moments when they learn from you, that you learn from them.

I know it sounds counter intuitive. But if you will benefit the greatest from a consultant who is quick to learn, and slow to dispense advice.

I could be wrong. But this is what I'm learning...

Atlanta

I'm going to be in Atlanta this weekend for the National Youth Worker's Convention.
Email me if you want to connect while we are there.

Mark@theRiddleGroup.com

Dear Student Life

Dear Student Life,

I hope you understand that I'd rather have tacos. I should back up. In the past two weeks I've received more than 6 pieces of mail from you. All in their full color glory telling me about the wonders of you. A magazine. Several letters. A few flyers and poster that, and I'm not kidding here, could substitute as a comforter on my toddler's bed. I'm not sure how you got my address, but I have my hunches. I used my amazing math skills to add up the total for the postage of the pieces you've sent. I'm not sure how much your materials cost, but it seems the postage alone adds up to around $8.45 that you spent on me. I'd rather have tacos. It seems you like the word experience a lot which is great as long as you don't want the kids you are reaching to actually ever be able to experience a rainforest. Ok. that was dramatic. But you get my point.

Your stuff is very pretty, but I don't really need it. Sure I'll use my new event poster as an emergency blanket (that wasn't my idea actually.. it was a friend of mine at the convention making fun of how big it was) and perhaps I might be able to provide a small village somewhere with toilet paper for a day.

So, please, if you are planning on sending me stuff at this rate as the year draws on, don't. Hold the press. Save up the money you would spend on postage that you will be sending to my house and put it into an account called. "Riddle's Taco Run". And this time next year when you've got the $240 that you would have spent, buy someone an airline ticket for $230.00 to Tulsa, then come and buy me a tacos. They run about $8.50. Please leave the extra $1.50 as a tip.

Thanks for listening,

Mark Riddle

NYWC - St. Louis

I arrived in St. Louis this morning on an uneventful flight from Tulsa.

It's 1:50pm and so far I've run into Tony Jones and his daughter Lilly, Andy Mullins , Tony Campolo, Walt Mueller, I had lunch with David Welch, and spent some time looking over the new and improved seminar with Marko.

If you attend the seminar make sure you say hi to me before you leave, or later in the convention!

Meet me In St. Louis?

I'll be in St. Louis this weekend. I'll have some times to get together if anyone wants to connect.

email me: mark@theRiddleGroup.com

and let's see if we can set something up.

Back from San Diego

San Diego was a great experience.

Friday's Seminar with Marko was good, not great, but good. We got solid feedback and the evaluations were pretty high, so maybe I'm being hard on myself. I'm pleased with most of our content, but not in how we treat it. IT will be better in St. Louis next week. I'm excited to present an improved version.

I got to hang out with some great people throughout the weekend, which is always a highlight for me. It's good for me to be with other great leaders because it sharpens me.

I'm especially thankful for several relationships with folks who lead various ministries and are able to help me think beyond my typical thinking. As I've said before on this blog, I have something inside me that is very uncomfortable about self-promotion. Or better said, promoting the Riddle Group feels like self promotion. I don't know why this is, but it's something to spend some time praying about. I love what I do and would be happy to work for free and often do. But I've realized this motivation actually hurts my family. Obviously right? I'm not getting rich doing consulting, but I'm driven to expand the kingdom and support pastors minister is healthy, sustainable ways.

Regardless, people keep saying the same thing to me. "What you have to offer has real value and people have got to find out about it."

Anyway, while I was in San Diego I was able to see some friends from the "Something" group/house church who have relocated to SD from Michigan. John Raymond joined us and we ate dinner at Miguel's (amazing mexican food) on Cornado Island.

Then John and I walked down to the ocean. I put my feet in and called Pam while I was standing in the water.

It felt great.

I had forgotten the power and roar of the ocean.

humbling. amazing. awe inspiring.

I could live near the ocean. no doubt.

My flight left yesterday as San Diego was ablaze.
I'm praying for all my friends who live there.

Writing a lot

I spent a lot of September writing the books. I got a lot done. The youth pastor book is 85% done conservatively, and the senior pastor book is 45% done. I want to have them both completed by november 1. I'm not sure that's going to happen. But I'm shooting for it.

Just a quick reminder that in January 2009 you can pick both copies up at a bookstore near you.

San Diego

Anyone going to San Diego?

If you are going to be there, say hi to me!

Also don't forget to stop by the "Expectations that Killed the Youth Pastor" seminar on Friday afternoon! I'm excited to co-lead with Marko this year.

Who'll be in SD??

The future of Youth Ministry

Marko was asking about the future of youth ministry of on his blog.
Here's my response related to the talk he'll be giving. This is not a comprehensive explanation by the way, only extrememly brief thoughts.

1. I don’t like the word “driven” either.

2. The future of youth ministry will need to
embrace the particular and contextual. The days of the cookie cutter youth ministry are over.

2b. If this is true, then youth ministry will focus more on theological conversation then education for teens. (esp. mid and late adolescents)

2c. The pressure to compete with the youth ministry down the street and all their razzle dazzle with communities embracing, knowing, loving, and walking beside students in tanglible, often less flashy, often non-programatic ways.

3. The extended family of the church will take it’s responsibility to help parents raise teens more seriously and youth pastors will be leading them in ways to do this.

4. Over the past 10 years a shift has happened. A majority of parents now actually consider themselves to be the primary spiritual nurtures of their kids. (this might not be the shift) The shift is that youth pastors have caught up and more than ever before believe that to be true as well. However Functionally most youth ministries don’t do squat to actually support parents in these rolls. Often they contribute to the opposite.

The Future will hold youth pastors who stop brow beating parents with the “you are the primary spiritual nurtures of your kids” which most already know, and begin actually helping parent’s do it. This may happen in ways we have not discovered yet, additionally, via tools that lead parent/kid conversations, encouragment, parental mentors as well as well as youth mentors, a church support system.

5. Church leaders will continue to talk and learn about systems thinking and how youth ministry is effected/affected by the unique system in each church.

6. I think that hospitality will be an ever increasing gift for the church and youth ministry in the future. Genuine Hospitality might even approach our love for the gift of leadership in the US. Hospitality after all is relational, it’s missional (that is looking to the needs of others), it’s organic, it’s communal, it’s particular and contextual.

7. The Youth pastor’s role will change when youth pastors remember why they got into ministry in the first place. Not for programs to lead, but to pastor kids. These pastors will rediscover what a pastor is and does and this is how they will spend their time.

Dino's See You @ the Pole Alternative - I dig it!

Dino has written about his frustration with what SY@TP has become. So he's proposing an alternative.

Here's his suggestion:

I still find it odd and perplexing that many still insist that Jesus’ diatribe on prayer in Matt 6 is out of context when applied to SYATP.

So I have come up with a challenge for youth pastors (including myself), youth workers and volunteers, parents, and students especially. The challenge is this (in the spirit of Matthew 6) to ask students NOT to attend SYATP this year. But rather get up early and find a closet to go into and pray specifically for your school, your communities, teachers, friends, national leaders, world leaders, nations, world peace, ect. They can go by themselves or they can ask one or two friends to pray with them. No more than three though. They can meet at someone’s house or in a room at school, or a quiet remote place with no one else around. They are to tell nobody what they are doing or where they are at. Then they continue to meet and pray in the same place once a week for a month or more.

So who is up for the challenge?

Here's the Link.

Kick'n it Old School

Dino has a great post on Old School Youth Ministry and the things he used to do and say in youth ministry. Have you ever done/said these things?

Great stuff.

Link

Thoughts on Idiocy

Thought #1

I'm not a big name caller, but occassionally I'll mumble something under my breath. It's not a good habit, but it's true. It's me. My go to derogatory comment for the past 4 years has been "freakin' idiot". Not very nice really, but considering the possibilities.. it's tame. I'm officially changing my "go to" comment. "Freakin' idiot" has served me well but "dunderhead" or "schlep"?
What's your go to comment

Thought #2
It's all relative.
To a moron and idiot is a genius.

Thought #3
Ok. a bit more honest and how God is dealing with me on idiocy.
I was driving today and was thinking a bit of information I'd been told earlier in the day. How one particular young speaker who is occassionally invited to a few conferences here and there and how much I think he has very little of what he has to say. (I told you this would be honest didn't I). I actually thought, why would anyone invite him to a that part that conference, they must be really hurting for speakers I thought.

Then it hit me.

I'm that guy at the conferences I speak at too. I'm the guy the real speakers think has nothing to say.

Then I had to confess how petty, arrogant and moronic I am.

The Hidden Secrets to Dialogue and her strange cousins:. Part 2

The Tall Cousin: Telling

In the staff meeting, someone comes up with an idea for the service next month. conversation starts... It's an opportunity for dialogue. Some will observe (see part 1), others will engage the conversation in their quest for dialogue by telling everyone what they think. In fact, Telling is a pretty common phenomenon within some church staffs. It's the time when the usual suspects tell everyone what they think they need to hear. You know you are a Teller, you often think of something to say while someone else is talking and you get frustrated because they keep talking and you are forced to remember your new idea.

Telling is the Tall cousin. It is highly supportive response to engaging, but ranks low when it comes to exploring the ideas of others.

Telling manifests itself in three ways:
1. Asserting - "Here's what I have to say, and here's why I say it!"

2. Explaining - " Here's how the world works and why I can see it so clearly."

3. Dictating - "Here's what I have to say, and nevermind why."

Asserting, Explaining and Dictating are all one way communcation.

Chances are you fall into this. And your staff team.

The secret here is that even though you might feel like you are in dialogue, you really aren't, because you are busy telling everyone what you think, or thinking of the next thing you want to say. A group of tellers often miscommunicate and rarely ever really understand what the other folks are saying. This leads to distrust, alienation and isolation.

If you are on staff with a Teller, there are ways to subvert this pattern, but it takes a lot of patience and discipline.

Part 4 will tell you how, so be patient, we'll get there soon enough.

Tomorrow: Part 3 - The cousin with big ears.

SY@TP - Dino Rants

My friend Dino has written a good "rant" on See You at the Pole from the perspective of a Youth Pastor who's been around the block a time or two. Link

"SYATP has also become a marketing spectacle. There are T-shirts, bracelets, badges, stickers, necklaces, book covers, follow up materials, promo packets for youth pastors, all packaged nicely for purchase. In addition, many local christian radios would announce and cover the event live from local schools, do interviews, and announce final head count of those in attendance. SYATP even has a place online one can go to enter your school numbers after the event takes place.

There are also pre-pole rallies and after pole rallies, where many churches spend lots of money to promote and celebrate their self righteous acts continue their attitude of prayer. They show video montages of each school, give number counts, give away T-shirts, have students share their exeprience, invite big name bands, and have speakers come and motivate students not to miss this incredible student prayer movement that is sweeping accross the country and globe. For a student led movement there sure seems like a lot of adults are pushing, promoting, financing, and marketing this thing."

By the way I don't think Dino is just being sour here. It's Good stuff to think about.

What makes Teens Happy?

According to a survey by the Associated Press and MTV the top answer:

Spending time with their family.

"When asked what one thing makes them most happy, 20 percent mentioned spending time with family -- more than anything else. About three-quarters -- 73 percent -- said their relationship with their parents makes them happy. After family, it was relationships with friends that people mentioned most."

Amazing. This is not what most adults think.

Link

(thanks to Marko)

The Hidden Secrets to Dialogue and her strange cousins:. Part 1

Youth Pastors, Emerging types, and leaders from various aspects of the world we live in are often in a quest for dialogue. Dialogue is actually such a rare thing with in church staffs, or business meetings, or "brainstorm" sessions that when it happens it's almost miraculous.

In this series I'll be taking us on the road to dialogue and the sad reality that we all fall into when it comes to working together. The launching point for these is based on the work of Diana McLain Smith.

The setting, unless otherwise stated is a staff meeting. (aw, the wonderful times in staff meetings!) Think about a problem that arises and the team is trying to solve it. (more on this later)

A couple quick prep statements:
Dialogue is about Exploration and Supportiveness.

Exploration is the ability to legitimately explore the ideas of others with an open mind and without judgment.

Supportiveness is the the ability to support the ideas of the person you are talking to.


Ok. Let's get started. But be careful, you'll see yourself in some of these.

The Sick cousin of Dialogue is Observing.
In case you didn't know, observation is not dialogue. It truly is it's sick cousin.

Observation is marked by low levels of exploration and supportiveness.

In a staff meeting this takes three forms:
1. Bystanding: The bystander might talk, but his/her comments pertain to the group process, but not the goal or content of the conversation.

The Bystander sees it as his responsibility to comment on how the conversation is going, how different people are engaging and how it could be better a "conversation." This is pretend dialogue, it often makes the rest of the staff feel like crap, and think that the bystander is an arrogant jerk.

The bystander isn't on the team, they are in the stands. No desire for exploration of the ideas people are contributing, nor are they supportive of what others are saying. They instead choose to talk about something else.

2. Sensing: The Sensor is the person in the staff meeting taking it all in. They see everything. But they don't contribute. They might feel supportive of someone in the group, but because they never express it, they really aren't. They definitely are not exploring the ideas of others.

Sensors won't share the risk of the conversation, so they short circuit dialogue. They kill teams. Sadly these are often nice people.

3. Withdrawing: The person who withdraws from the conversation is dysfunctional. In youth ministry, these are the people who are near the end of the time with a church. Their body may be in staff meeting, but their mind is somewhere else. They have checked-out. This is the ugliest of the sick cousin.

The is no secret: You can't really understand people simply by observing and you can't move forward together by bystanding, sensing or withdrawing.

In your quest for dialogue, you have to find ways within you to inquire about what other people really mean. The inquiring is as good for them as it is for you. You (we) also need to champion the ideas of others even if we think we will ultimately disagree.

Tomorrow we discuss the the tall cousin of dialogue in Part 2.

The Secrets to Dialogue and her strange cousins

I'm going to start a series later this morning on the hidden secrets of dialogue.
This will not be a how to series, but rather a description of the different ways we communicate (or lack there of) and how it effects our ministries.

If you are a youth pastor and you want to learn something super important about what people actually think in your church this is a series for you.

If you are a part of any organization or relationship where you work interdependently you will find something for you here.

I'm attempting to take some of the systems thinking stuff and make it a bit more practical for you the honored guest of the Riddle Group blog.

So we'll dive into the Secrets of dialogue and her strange cousins in a few hours.

Youth Ministry Interviews

So my friend Len Evans has started a great blog that is exclusively interviews with folks in the youth ministry world.

Mark Yaconelli was the first interview.
Wayne Rice was the second.
Then he decided to slum it with me as the third.

Here's the link for the site.
Check it out and tell me what you think?

National Youth Workers Convention

The fall I'll be attending the National Youth Workers Convention in San Diego, St. Louis, and Atlanta. I've invited to co-lead a seminar with Marko Oestriecher. I'm excited because Marko and I have never led a seminar together. However years ago, maybe 12 years, he and I did actually sing a song together at a Middle School camp by Michael Knott.

Our seminar is titled, "The Expectations that Killed the Youth Pastor". I'm excited about this topic because I think it begins to get to the root of a lot of our dysfunction in the world of youth ministry. It's a seminar for everyone who works within the church. There will be stuff for the new youth pastor and the youth ministry veteran who normally skips all the seminars.

Also I'm doing 6 or 8 one hour consulting sessions for youth workers on-site, which is a treat for me.

So, if you will be attending a NYWC let me know and maybe we can find a time for us to hang out in the city closest to you.

One BIG Reason the Riddle Group exists

A new study reported by USAToday finds that a high percentage of young adults who attended church while in high school stop attending by age 23. The poll was conducted by LifeWay Research, an affiliate of the publishing arm of the Southern Baptist Convention. 70% of young adults drop out of Protestant churches, and 34% do not attend even sporadically after age 30. That means at least one in four young people who leave the church never return.

"This is sobering news that the church needs to change the way it does ministry," says Ed Stetzer who directed the study. "It seems the teen years are like a free trial on a product. By 18, when it's their choice whether to buy in to church life, many don't feel engaged and welcome," says the associate director Scott McConnell.

Part of the problem, says Stetzer, is the way many churches organize their student ministries. "Too many youth groups are holding tanks with pizza. There's no life transformation taking place," he says. "People are looking for a faith that can change them and to be a part of changing the world." It seems spiritual formation, not just spiritual entertainment, may be what young people are seeking from a church.

Interestingly, the survey also found that those who stayed or returned to the church tended to grow up in a home where both parents are committed to the church. This may indicate that parents play a more crucial role in the spiritual development of their children than any church program.

Among the 7 in 10 who dropped out of the church a diversity of reasons were discovered:

• Wanted a break from church: 27%

• Found church members judgmental or hypocritical: 26%

• Moved to college: 25%

• Tied up with work: 23%

• Moved too far away from home church: 22%

• Too busy: 22%

• Felt disconnected to people at church: 20%

• Disagreed with church's stance on political/social issues: 18%

• Spent more time with friends outside church: 17%

• Only went before to please others: 17%

And why do the 30% stay? It's these fascinating reasons:

• It’s vital to my relationship with God: 65%

• It helps guide my decision in everyday life: 58%

• It helps me become a better person: 50%

• I am following a family member’s example: 43%

• Church activities were a big part of my life: 35%

• It helps in getting through a difficult time: 30%

• I fear living without spiritual guidance: 24%

The full article may be read at the USAToday website.

Senior Pastors and Youth Ministry

Don Johnson (of No Cal) talks about hosting a youth missions team at his church. I love this kind of thinking from Senior Pastors.

Link

Rick's Observations on Changes in Middle Schoolers

Rick's has listed a few things that have changed in the 8 years since he's been on a youth ministry trip.

His Observations:
1. Christian T-shirts, while still "Christian t-shirts" are less offensive and some are borderline cool.
2. Text messaging
3. Parents wanting kids in constant contact
4. Energy Drinks
5. Trading myspace accounts instead of addresses and phone numbers
6. Energy Drink slushies
7. Christian "cock rock"
8. iPods
9. Worship music as radio friendly genre
10. Digital Cameras
11. Sophistication of middle school students

Possible Consequence of Children's Sermons

Don Johnson (not from Miami Vice) a pastor in No Cal has a great post on the Possible Consequences of Children's Sermons

Highlights for me:

"The children's sermons are very short and focus on one word or one truth and not a long, rambling discussion on things. It's not a time to play cute for the parents and mug for the congregation. It's for the kids. They matter. They count.
One of the ways I do a children's sermon is to set up a scenario where the kids need to help me out: count something, find something, discover something, fix something. Often I end up playing the fool. Well, last week I was illustrating Paul's prayer in Colossians 1:1-12 where he prays for minds, bodies and hearts by stacking interlocking rings on a pole. It's a common nursery toy. I mis-stacked them, backwards, much to the children's dismay. I just could not get them stacked right until one exasperated boy grabbed the stack from me with a snort and said: "Let me do it for you!" and stacked them properly, illustrating the truth that things need to go together in the right way.
But later Sunday afternoon I imagined a dinner-time conversation with the boy and his parents covering the topic of how really dumb pastors had to be. I mean, what is it that they do if they can't even stack rings in the right order?"

A New Take on Contact Ministry

For 20 years youth ministry has focused on going to where kids are and making "contact" with them in their world. So Youth pastors and youth workers have gone to footballs games, concerts, skate parks, malls and plays to hang with kids in their world. This should not change. But I'd like to add something I think. My experience is that youth pastors, especially youth pastors with out children of their own, spend most of their time in the world of kids to the neglect of their own relationships and community. Also, when a youth pastor does have kids they find it unhealthy to always be in the world of teens (or they should) and they find themselves more at home with their families. (which is good.)

I've been proposing for 4 or five years that a far more powerful tool available to the youth pastor is to develop healthy friendships and community with peers (read: other adults) and then invite students into their world. This will never replace contact ministry as we have known it, but brings new ministry to power to what most youth pastors talk about. How better for a teen to learn about Biblical community than to experience it first hand, through an adult relationship.

The Growing Edge of Youth Pastors

Picture the "AVERAGE YOUTH PASTOR" in your head. Get the picture in your head....



got it????


What are they wearing?
What are they doing when you see them in your mind?
How old are they?

In your mind... are they male? young college-student? Thin? dressed in shabby shorts and ballcap askew?

I have no statistical information to re-enforce this thought. It is based purely on my experience and my imagination based on my experience. And what my friends who work with youth pastors around the country tell me. I'd be very interested to see any stats you might know of regarding this issue.

It seems the average age of youth pastors is rising.
My guess is, the average age of youth pastors is around 35. I could be wrong. It could be higher. Average may be the wrong word, as there are plenty of 20-24 year old folks who work in youth for a season of their life, then move on to another area of vocation, generally outside the church.

Higher education has partly helped in this increase by professionalizing Youth Ministry by handing out degrees in youth ministry.

There are more 40 year olds in professional youth ministry than ever before.

However, there is still a stereotype the folks in our congregations have about Youth Pastor's being young.

I'm wondering why this is. I'm wondering what would change, if anything, if we changed the mindset that views the average youth pastor as a male, in his early 20's.
What do you think?

Our assumptions of "average" lead us to act and behave in certain ways that are not healthy for ministry.

I believe the average youth pastor has changed and we have not changed our assumptions... that's part of what's holding us back from being the kind of people God is calling us to be.

Coaching Day

Today I'm spending the day in one-to-one coaching sessions with the youth workers of Westmoore Community Church. I started this morning at 9:30am and end a bit after 10:00pm. I do this once a month for WCC.
They don't have any youth staff but are making a big difference in the lives of kids in South Oklahoma City. The folks I'm meeting with have said "Yes" to God, though most of them have never lead a team, or been on a team like this before, and even less have any experience working with teens God is honoring their faithfulness. I don't really ask how many kids they have coming to their large program, but it's somewhere in the range of 600. Their program meets 5 weeks on, then 3-4 weeks off. Which defies all conventional thinking and assumptions church leaders have about Momentum.

They are ramping up their Middle school small groups to a new level this fall and starting a student leadership program as well.

Such a fun church to work with. One of my favorite things about this church is that most somewhere around 85% of the people involved in the church didn't attend church anywhere or know Christ before WCC.

Lives are being changed.

These youth workers are dealing with all the issues that come with a group of kids this size. Cutting, drug use, abusive homes, and absent parents all en masse... without a professional youth pastor or any youth staff.

When I sit with these folks, they seem to know the gravity of their responsibility, and the task at hand.

One day they'll hire a youth pastor, but they aren't really looking right now. There is no need to. The church is owing/learning to own the spiritual formation of their kids.

A Letter I wrote to Mike Yaconelli

I was looking through my old PC today for a few emails that I want to use in my book and I stumbled upon an email I wrote to Mike Yaconelli almost exactly 4 years ago. Mike responded and we exchange a phone call or two about it. Here is the original email I sent him.



"Mike. thanks for your love for youth workers. thanks for your huge heart. Your voice has been a strong encouragement to me in my life and ministry. My soul was in danger in a big mega position a few years back. You wrote an article that said, "Run for your soul". God used those words. I needed to run. so i did. i left ministry. or i should say. I left employment within a church. God has used you to minister to other's on journey's similar to mine. they don't believe in youth ministry anymore. Don't let that phrase lead you to believe that these brothers and sisters are not called to make sure students are ministered to. No these are folks who resonate with your words. Words that I think are strangely intuitive to you. Words I'm not sure you fully comprehend the magnitude of. Regardless there is a dangerous group of people out here.... committed to reaching students... and doing it in a way that will not ultimately hurt them. we are out here. Many of us have one foot out the door. We are contemplating working at Best Buy so we can be fully faithful. Many of us have found a local congregation that is allowing us to reimagine youth ministry. A growing majority are leaving ministry alltogether. These are people you've seen at conferences years ago. you've shaken our hands. You've received our emails. We are finding that there is not a bridge to this new kind of ministry with students.
Emergent is not it. though it is a part of it. There is not really any new thinking about youth ministry coming from this movement. It is a bridge for people to step into church planting. but many of us are not called to plant churches. What emergent will provide in years to come is an environment to rethink ym. This is all good.

Mike. We think youth ministry as an experiment is a failure. You had it right the first time. Your hunch was right. Youth ministry is not working. However, It is possible to encourage youth workers and affirm them in their calling and simultaneously say that ym is failing. To challenge them to rethink this ministry is not only a good idea, it is essential.
Let me challenge you to continue to rethink ym, or find ways of giving a voice to those who are. At least find ways of building a bridge to the future...of youth ministry for the growing number of us who are leaving traditional situations.
Let me assure you that I know this is not your responsability. It is not your job (or Youth Specialties) to provide these "ministers in the margins of ym" resources and encouragement as they are on their journey. your company sells books. mostly based on the idea of encouragement. you are a clearing house for youth ministry resources. You do this well. People put to many things on you and YS that do not belong there. If this email is simply another youth pastor whining to you about wanting YS to do something for them, please ignore it. But if you feel there might be something to this, then I would encourage you to find ways to immediately start engaging people in the conversation. If you desire, I would be willing to help. My involvement is not neccesary. But there is a need.

thanks again mike!

mark riddle"


It's interesting to reread this 4 years later. So much has changed in youth ministry. what I referred to in the letter about Youth Ministers in the margins are become more mainstream today. Though not mainstream enough if you ask me.

Change in Organizations - Part 3

Here's a visual.

So our day to day decisions are born from governing values /variables that are things we take to be normal. These generally are not questioned. Personally or organizationally.

Some folks in the church implement change, but the only thing they really change is the strategy. This is single loop learning. When they change it assumes a certain foundation of understanding.

So a private high school is training teachers about how to create an environment conducive for learning. They might: teach teachers to greet students with a hand shake and eye contact rather than working at the teachers desk as students arrive. These actions are attempts at single loop changes. They may or may not work.

But when a teacher says, "Since we all know that studies show that high schoolers learn best after 9:30 in the morning, maybe we should arrange the schedule of the day?" That teacher is looked at funny because what he is voicing is in direct contradiction to the basic understanding of normal expectations. In other words, it goes against the governing values /variables of the people in leadership.

In a double loop learning environment, the question about the school day schedule can be questioned and even changed. Which in effect changes the action plan and strategy.

Is this making sense?

To Reach Youth Long Term

Consider this a map

X <--- Where the church is



X <--- What the church is currently doing to reach kids long term

X <--- Where the church is willing to go




























































X <--- What it takes to reach Youth Long Term in 2007

Priorities

I heard a church recently ask this question to potential lead pastor candidates they were interviewing.

Rate the following in terms of priority: family, God, work, ministry.

I think this is a ridiculous question to ask in an interview. I could see it on the candidates face as they thought about their response. They thought this was a trick question. It was a trick question. But not on purpose. The individual asking the question didn't really know what she was asking.

When I was in youth ministry I would ask a question similar to this one. It seemed to make sense to me and the students.

This is a ridiculous question for a few reasons.

1. If you ask people this question enough they know how to answer it so that you will be happy with their answer.

2. The question is dumb because it creates false categories with well defined boundaries where there really aren't any. In other words, Ministry can somehow be separated from GOD (which it can't) You can't have God as a priority and not have ministry as a priority or family or work for that matter. These are not differenct catagories, they are different emphasis on the same issue.

3. Each of these words mean different things to different people, and if you assume what people mean when they say work or ministry you will very likely be wrong.

4. This kind of question may seem harmless (and maybe it is) but it re-enforces a compartmentalized faith and life in the average person or family. Which leads us to a theologically unhealthy way to live.

5. Everybody lies about their priorities. Mostly to themselves.

Perhaps instead of asking kids, or Lead Pastor candidates what order their priorities are in we should ask them what it means for them to have a relationship with God and how it impacts their life?

Survival

For some in youth ministry change is a bad word. To these folks change is frustrating because there is a sense in which change must require more energy than I'm currently giving and these folks would like say something like, "I'm just trying to survive! How can I change when I don't have time?"

There are certainly a lot of folks out there trying to survive. Trying to get through the day without telling someone in the church off, or loosing their cool, or feeling completely victimized. I get that. I've been there more than once.

Talk about change in those moments seems extravagant and superfluous.

I talk about change a lot, but I want to recognize that there are some who are more concern with survival than change. I'm praying for you this morning.

The Future - I'm talking to you

You know those rules of thumb you've been working to accumulate over the years? The "wisdom" and "knowledge" you have from doing what you've done for years that make the day to day a bit easier. The base or foundation by which you might allow people to call you an expert.

These are the very things you need to rethink to be successful in the future.

The assumptions you've made about how things work no longer apply to what the task at hand requires.

The Youth Ministry Vacuum

It happens too often. I visit a local church or ministry and there is an issue that someone (or a group of someones) wants to deal with.


Inevitably someone says one of these things:

"I don't have any kids in the youth ministry, but I can tell it's struggling. Attendance is low and it needs to be like it was when my kids were teens. What is the youth pastor going to do about this?

or

"We have plenty of children in early elementary, why don't we have more kids in the youth group?"

or

"Our kids aren't committed to the church. How can we get the kids to be more committed to coming to youth group?"

or

"We need more adult leaders in the youth ministry. The youth pastor needs to do a better job of recruiting volunteers to take care of these kids. Why won't she do it?"

All questions (or varients of them) that I hear often.

Here are some questions I ask instead:
Is it possible the fact that the Pastor and Youth Pastor who left to start our church taking 80% of the families with teens has had an impact on our current situation and that it has little to do with our current youth pastor's performance?

How does this church show that it values teenagers?

Why would a youth want to come to this particular church?

Does the fact that the average age of the congregation and it's leadership is over 65 years of age have anything to do with the youth ministry? If so what?



Youth ministry doesn't exist in a vacuum. In fact, I'd suggest that in most cases it is a prime way gauge the temperature of a congregation.

Everything decision in the church has in impact on the Youth ministry in one way or another. It can never be a department on its own, youth ministry must be a concerted effort on behalf of the whole congregation. Often the problems that arise from within a youth ministry are symptoms of a church issue.

So the next time you point at a problem within your churches, take a step back and see if what might be a few of the contributing factors to making it that way.

By the way, this is not a ticket for youth pastors to whine or complain about why their church sucks and is keeping the youth pastor from accomplishing great things. Don't be a victim. As the youth pastor, your job is to lead the congregation to understand the impact of it's decisions upon the youth ministry.

With Zach @ WCC

Today I'm in OKC working with the Youth Ministry Leadership Team of WCC. It's a pretty amazing group of folks in a very unique church. Peoples lives are being changed in OKC because of how God is and has been working within this group of people. I'm not a big numbers. I rarely quote them, but this is someone interesting. There are about 700 students involved in their outreach program called "the Mix". The Mix meets 5 weeks on and then 3-6 weeks off. Oh and there isn't a Youth Pastor, or dedicated youth staff person at all. On purpose.

Sure the church has it's weaknesses (every church does if you haven't noticed) but they are aggressively working on their short comings.
One day they will hire someone, but they will not have your typical job description huh.

Today I brought Zach with me. He's out of school and we came down a bit early and have had a good time. He's spending time exploring the church building and reading his latest book. It's good to have him along. We'll see how he handles me being in my 4 hour meeting tonight.

Echo the Story

My friend Michael Novelli's of Sonlife fame has been working on a project for a while. It's calld Echo and it seeks to rediscover the art of storytelling. Now he's decided to make it available for free.
Get it now before he changes his mind.

Here's the Link

Pace of the American Family

If you really want to hurt your kids over the long haul avoid the issue of pace and your family. Seriously. Better yet, deny that this is a reality.

I spent this past weekend with the great folks at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church just outside Washington D.C. I lead a parent's seminar on Saturday night and they invited me to their service in the park Sunday morning. The Seminar I led talked about a lot of things but plunged headlong into the pace of the American Life and the implecations on children and adolescents. Rob Merola the vicar sent me a link to this story Monday morning.

If you've read Chap Clark's "HURT" (which by the way is on the top of the must read books for parents with teens or elementary school kiddos) this news will not be especially new to you. However it is very interesting that people outside the church are seeing this phenomenon as well.

Here are a few highlights from the article.

"“We’ve scheduled and outsourced a lot of our relationships,” says the study’s director, Elinor Ochs, a linguistic anthropologist. “There isn’t much room for the flow of life, those little moments when things happen spontaneously."

"Darrah says the UCLA study reinforces larger questions about why American life has become so hectic.

“It’s not just a middle-class phenomenon,” he said. “Things that happen in society get played out in the family.”

The UCLA study isn’t ranking families from best to worst. Instead, scientists are asking how families are coping.

In a word, barely.

For Ochs, the most worrisome trend is how indifferently people treat each other, especially when they reunite at the day’s end.

With a mouse click, she summons footage from the project’s vast archive. Some of it is hard to watch.

* A man walks into the bedroom after work as his wife folds laundry. There is no kiss, or even a hello. Instead, they resume their breakfast argument virtually in mid-sentence about who left food on the counter to spoil. (He did.)
* An executive mother wears a silk suit and a pained smile as her daughter refuses to meet her gaze. Finally, the embarrassed nanny prompts the girl to speak while buttoning the girl’s pajamas.
* A big bear of a man squeezes into his cramped home office where his son is playing a deafening computer game with two pals. He rubs his son’s head, but the boy doesn’t blink. As the father shuffles out, the son gestures toward the computer and mutters, “I thought you were going to fix this.”

"With all the scheduling and management, family life begins to resemble running a small business. That means requisitioning materials and supplies, which invariably leads to a third hallmark of the study: clutter.

Archaeologist Jeanne E. Arnold planned to treat each house in the study like a dig site, cataloging and mapping family belongings as artifacts. But there was too much stuff. Instead, her staff took photographs. Thousands of them.

For Arnold, who is accustomed to examining bits of bone and pottery, modern households are overwhelming. How much stuff do people own? So much that only two families have room to park their cars in the garage."

Creating church for a world that no longer exists

So Christianity Today did a 3 part series on "How Teenagers Transformed the Church".

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

I must say that I had some hopes for the CT series on "How Teenagers Transformed the Church".

First, there were some things I liked. I'm glad they talked to Doug Pagitt and Tic Long. I felt like Part 3 should have been called an "Interview with Tic Long". Tic has some great things to say. His 3 points, Youth Pastors are often better communicators than Pastors, Teenagers as catalysts instead of reactors, and Indigenous ministry are very good points.

I must say though, that overall I was disappointed by the series. I honestly can't figure out what it is about the topic that frustrated me... but I'll try to unearth it in the following thoughts.

- Maybe it was because it felt reductionistic.

- Maybe it's because I'm not sure I like where the church is and has been and thus it feels a bit like a blame. Though that was not the intention.. the series I believe was intended to be complementary to youth ministry. But the fact that most youth pastors today don't like what youth ministry looks like and they don't like what the church their youth ministries exist within look like either is a problem that isn't addressed.

-Was it just plain wrong. Did Youth Ministry really transform the church over the past 30 years? I'm not so sure.

-Maybe it was the corrective nature of Tic's three points, moving us away from youth ministry as it has been to a new future. Or is that... moving us away from the way the church is today to a new future?

-Maybe the church is the way it is for some other reasons and Youth Ministry is more of a symptom.

Some of those reasons might be: (in no particular order)
1. Past WW2 affluence
2. Technology begins to advance at a ridiculous rate, doubling the number of historical technological breakthroughs every year.
3. A shift from a Modern to Postmodern world
4. Tremendous breakthroughs in transportation.
5. The creation of adolescence has a tremendous impact, not only on "teenagers" but on those around them.
6. The American Marketing Machine growing into something akin to a psychological guerilla warefare.
7. The creation of niches within the family by marketing, teen culture, tween culture, college culture, boomers etc.


Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who have served in youth ministry who have gone on to create great change in the church and there have certainly been people who attended youth group as a teen and now are looking for a church that is like their youth group... but I'm not sure that equals "Youth ministry changing the church".

Let me put it another way.

When Tic says the church is 10-15 years behind youth ministry, isn't he really saying, the church is 10-15 years behind what is actually happening the world today?

Church leaders are guilty of creating a church for a world that no longer exists except within the minds of a few church people. Youth Ministry can't survive like that.

A Post with Potential

This Post has potential. Read it. Give your thoughts.

youth LEADERs

Most churches talk a good game when it comes to LEADERSHIP. There is a lot of talk about hiring LEADERS. There is a lot of talk about training LEADERS. Often churches talk about hiring youth LEADERS. or rather they want to hire a youth pastor who is a LEADER.

But they don't really want a LEADER. They want a manager.
(they generally don't want a pastor either, but that's another post)

A few reason churches don't really want youth LEADERS:
1. youth LEADERS cause too many problems for the average church. They want to change things. There is no status quo for a leader except they consistently bring the future to the present.

2. youth LEADERS are disruptive.

3. youth LEADERS have ideas and dreams and they are motivating people to take action.

4. youth LEADERS don't just manage a department and put out the fires for which their job description detail. These youth LEADERS actually create problems and start fires, even fires outside their department.

5. youth LEADERS are dangerous and represent a threat to those who "lead" the church, or at least they are perceived that way by some "leaders".

6. Great youth LEADERS are extremely loyal and humble folks, however they tend to create problems by thinking of loyalty to God without understanding the ramifications for their supervisors.

7. youth LEADERS are relentless, dogmatic, and will settle for nothing less that the best case scenario. While some look at folks like Mother Teresa and see someone who is meek, mild, and a peacemaker, the youth LEADER sees as a role model for uncompromising, unremitting single minded vision.

Not everyone in vocational youth ministry is a LEADER. Most aren't. Some are just jerks in the name of LEADERship.

Churches value leadership until it costs them something.

I understand that there are good and bad things that come with hiring a LEADER. I know plenty of LEADERS who have messed up big time. I'm fully aware that here in the USA we have a very unhealthy, almost cultic obsession with LEADERS.

I'm just suggesting that churches stop talking about hiring leaders unless they are ready to accept what they are going to get.

Some thoughts on Loyalty

Loyal (adjective) giving firm and constance support and allegiance to a person or institution.

Loyalty- The quality of being loyal to someone or something.

Occasionally this word pops up behind closed doors between staff members of a church. Not every church. Not every person. Occasionally.

I consider myself to be a loyal person. There are some people who radiate loyalty. If you pause a moment, you can think of a few of these folks. Somehow their very presence exudes integrity and loyalty. These people bug me. It all seems too easy for them. After getting to know some of these folks over the years I've learn their secret. They work for it just like the rest of us. They might even be a bit more motivated to assure you that they are loyal folks. This post isn't about those people.

The rest of us are erratic. Some of us love ideas out side the norm. Some of us are ready to embrace life in unconventional ways. Some of us have crazy ideas. The short of it is this: Loyalty is assumed and we move on.

I've been behind closed doors and had my loyalty questioned. I was a youth pastor and the executive pastor was doing the talking. He was questioning my loyalty to the Senior Pastor. I feeling like this was coming from left field. It was an odd conversation on many levels.

At the time it really bugged me. I got really reflective. Am I saying anything that is disloyal? I don't even think about the Senior Pastor all that much. Maybe I should be thinking about him more often? I don't even know the guy.

Confusion set it. I was in my mid 20's and I remember thinking about how hard I work for God and the church. I remember feeling inadequate.

As best as I can tell looking back I did some things wrong. I didn't give consistent feedback which expressed how much I was for him as a Senior Pastor to accompany my ideas for what youth and family ministry should be in the church.

As a result my ideas in team meetings or even brain storming sessions were taken as lack of loyalty for their incongruence with the Senior Pastor's ideas.

I won't go into details here, but my response was to show him that I was loyal to him, that I was here to serve the church and him. I made it very clear thru this experience that I was loyal to him. I'm not sure I would do it again honestly.

It's interesting what this experience did for me. I've learned from this experience.

Here's my take home personally.

Pastors who talk about loyalty are talking about something else, but loyalty is the words they use to express their feelings.

Youth pastors looking for employment should avoid Pastors who advertise on Job Boards and use the words loyalty or "loyal to the Senior Pastor".

Loyalty is very important to me, but sometimes i send mixed messages by simply being myself.

Read my next post for my last take home.

Suppose...

Suppose you wanted to change the rules of youth ministry, how it's understood, what it accomplishes. How would you do it?

O' Virginia

Soon I'll be in the DC area. Northern Virginia to be exact to be with the good people of St. Matthew's. I'll be leading a Parent's Night Out. I'll be talking about the new way of doing youth ministry the church has been working on for about 9 months. It's an exciting group of people leading the ministry there and it is always good to spend time with them.

On of the things I'll be talking about is "What every Youth Pastor wishes Parent's understood." I've put the finishing touches on my time with them this morning.

I'm curious..
If you are a youth worker or pastor, what do you wish parents understood?

Mixed Messages Part 3

I wonder.

What would it mean for many of us if we actually let parents be involved. Better yet. What if we organized our ministries around actually supporting parents in their ongoing spiritual nurture of their teens?

It would be messy. It would be difficult organizationally. But that isn't hard to overcome.

It would mean we'd need to loose our ego a bit and our need to be the expert.

What do you think?

Mixed Messages Part 2

In Part 1 of my three part series I discussed the mixed messages we get from schools. In this post I will discuss the mixed messages we give as churches working with kids.


I wonder if many churches actually rely on parents not being involved, no matter how much they encourage participation?

I wonder what we mean when we say we want parents to be involved?

Here's my guess:

1. Involvement means you show up to parents and information meetings.

2. Involvement means volunteer for security, cooking at youth events, organizing fundraisers. You know... the non-spiritual stuff.

3. Involvement means getting your kid to you on time and picking them up on time.

4. Involvement means paying for all the events, t-shirts, candy we sell, camps and missions trips we decide are good for your kids.


1. Involvement does not mean that you have input into what the church or youth program actually looks like and how our program is run. After all we are the experts.

2. Involvement does not mean helping shape the how we define success.

3. Involvement depends on keeping parents uninformed on information that might frustrate them or lead them to believe they are not responsible for their kids.

4. Involvement means the same things it means for our kids. Fall in line. Do it our way. You have no alternative. The youth leaders know best.


On one hand, come help us.. be responsible parents.
On the other hand, we are the experts and we know what your child needs better than you do.

Mixed Messages Part 1

This morning after dropping the kids off at school I was wondering.
I wonder if schools really want parents to be responsible for their children's education? Some schools are more vocal about this kind of thing, but I'm wondering if our public (and even private) education rests on a few unspoken assumptions. What comes out are mixed messages. Something akin to the guy who is waving you toward him with his left hand and waving you off with the right.

I wonder if schools rely on us not being involved, no matter how much they encourage participation?

I wonder what they mean when they say they want us to be involved?
Here's my guess:

1. Involvement means you pay $5 or %10 and join the PTO and show up to our PTO meetings.

2. Involvement means volunteer for organization class parties, school events, parking lot duty and the walking track. You know... the non-education stuff.

3. Involvement means make sure your kid does his/her homework.

4. Involvement means getting your kid there on time and picking them up on time.


1. Involvement does not mean that have input into what the school day actually looks like and how a classroom is run. After all they are the experts and know that it is developmentally appropriate for a 9 year old to have 10 minutes of recess a day and gym once every three days. etc.

2. Involvement does not mean helping shape the how we define success. Experts and our president have mandated that "No Child Left Behind" be the way of the land and as a result teachers are forced to teach to the test or they will loose their jobs.

3. Involvement depends on keeping parents uninformed on information that might frustrate them or lead them to believe they are not responsible for their kids.

4. Involvement means the same things it means for our kids. Fall in line. Do it our way. You have no alternative. The school leaders know best.


On one hand, come help us.. be responsible parents.
On the other hand, we are the experts and we know what your child needs better than you do.

Still with me??? Then wait for my next post...

The Morning, the Afternoon and the weekend

I spent the morning with a great group of folks in the Emergent Village Tulsa Cohort. Then we went to Joe Mommas for pizza and an energetic conversation on the need for theology to be rooted in space and time and that there is no truth other than God outside of time and space. And Pete Rollin's thoughts that right belief is not as important as believing in the right way. Good stuff. I'm not sure anyone agreed with me though. If they did they weren't speaking up! Fun non-the-less especialy with such good thinkers.

I wrote three chapters for one of my YS books (is this the first time I've mentioned this on my blog?) Working Chapter titles: How to dig a Mud Pit; How to Scare Kids into the Kingdom; and How to get a volunteer to stop sending you FWs.

I've spent the afternoon with last minute preparations for a youth worker retreat with Westmoore Community Church. It's always great to hang out with such "messed up" people. (their words, not mine) I've been begging for a WCC t-shirt that says, "the church of the messed up" on it... but to no avail so far. WCC is a fun to work with and I'm pretty sure it's the only church I work with that is a Blue Collar mega church. If my count is correct they average between 2,000 and 2,500 in attendance on Sunday morning and they have less than 10 staff people. (There isn't a paid youth staff person by the way)

So, I'm excited about my time with such amazing folks!

I'm off to spend time with the family before I leave for the weekend.
Talk to you soon.

The Problem with High School Ministry

High school ministry across the country is a struggle for churches. A radical change has occurred. (or should I say discontinuous change) It's certainly not the first and it won't be the last.

Youth ministry (especially high school ministry) was the solution church and parachurch ministries used to address the growing chasm of adolescence. Youth ministry as we know it has become fairly confident in this answer and have felt that what has worked for the last 30 years will work for the future.

But today's high school student is different than any other person who has existed on the face of the earth. At least in a few ways. In other ways, it's important to affirm that they are very much the same. But that isn't what this post is about. High school students who our churches are working with are unique. They are a new people group who have grown up and been shaped within a unique environment.

Managing this change with the same skills and approaches to teens will not work for this group of people.

Youth ministry from 8 years ago might work with middle school students today. But not for a majority of high school students. The youth worker who is hands on with kids will develop a series of responses over the next few years. But here is something I can't get out of my head, so I'll pass it on to you, especially if you are a Senior Pastor, church leader or youth pastor.

Do me a favor: Go read your churches vision statement. Read about what your church says it's mission in the world is.

Now spend the next couple years wrestling with this.
Is that vision, and mission something your high school students would be willing to die for? Willing to give up everything for. Would you be willing to let them? Are you willing to die for what your church exists?

Most of the High school students I talk to don't attend church because they don't see anything worthy of their time. The gospel and discipleship comes across as some kind of endless self-help formula that never ends and to which others outside their world become an afterthought. Kids are looking for something to give their lives to and most churches offer them games and "a youth program" with a crazy busy schedule that keeps kids out of trouble or better yet... builds a resume for life.


These kids see through the games and "fun". Most of them can have fun somewhere else.

Far too many high school ministries (and by default most churches) today are only training students to be adults who view church as irrelevant to real life.

There are other elements that contribute to the smallness of high school ministry today as well. I won't go into those at this point though.

An Assumption I've been Carrying

I should know better. And though my friends leading the WCC Youth Ministry would tell me, "Don't should on yourself"... I am right now. I really should have known better. Maybe we can all learn from my faulty assumption. Perhaps you hold this faulty assumption. Perhaps you have lived in the understanding I'm coming into.

But let me back up a bit.
We all carry assumptions about the world we live in, why it is the way it is and how things will always be. We often don't actually see our own assumptions very clearly because they are quite simply the ruling ideas that define our criteria for making important decisions based on our memories of our experiences and encounters with the world.

For instance, my wife has never taken an allergy test, but she refuses to eat shrimp. Once she ate shrimp and she had the sensation of her throat constricting. A scary experience that left here with a new rule for eating. No shrimp. Was it actually the shrimp? Probably. Could it have been something else? Yes. Perhaps because we were sitting in the smoking section (a rare place to find us) Pam was reacting to the smoker at the next table. Perhaps it was some other ingredient in the food. It makes no difference, because Pam made the assumption it was the shrimp that caused her reaction. I think she's right by the way. This re-enforces her assumptions.

Now the assumption I've been functioning within is under the radar. It's not shrimp it has to do with change and the church. I'm honestly not sure where my assumption came from but I can just say it's been with me for quite a long long time.

I have always assumed that people leading the church understood change to be discontinuous. Alan Roxburgh describes discontinuous change as disruptive and unanticipated. It's the kind of change that demands change within us as people because, as Alan writes, "The skills we have learned aren't helpful in this kind of change."

He contrasts discontinuous change to continuous change which he describes as a change that "develops out of what has gone before and therefore can be expected, anticipated and managed."

Good stuff.

I have always known that there are people who, when faced with a challenge and need to change simply refuse to do so. This is still true. But there are those who desire to change but simply misunderstand the the nature of change. For them, change is to be managed. Change is dependent upon the skill they have already learned. Which it does, sometimes, when change is continuous.

But you can not depend upon skills you currently have for discontinuous change. It requires a new set of assumption about life, ministry, family and God.

So I must admit. I thought, or at least I've been functioning under the assumption that everyone understood this.